Politics, drugs and rock and roll

With the election fast approaching, Fianna Fail has helpfully set out its drugs policy in the form of popular song. Fresh from criticising the Green Party for suggesting a softening of government policy on "softer drugs", Fianna Fail reveal that, actually, they're "hot" and that its ok to deal in "gear" or heroin, but ONLY if the recipient gets to "dance with the dealer's sister" straight after. Its bizarre, and if enough dealers sisters are wretched mongfests in pink shellsuits then, it might just work in reducing Ireland's drug problem. Kudos to the Soldiers of Destiny for a novel idea.

For a clearer look at whats going on, see

http://www.irishelection.com/03/fianna-fail-in-drugs-controversy/

Wait until light turns green

Apparently the Labour Party have floated (Patrick's Day pun anybody?) the idea of citizenship ceremonies, and that old chestnut, the citizenship test. Ridiculous, of course. What form would such a ceremony take? Fifteen hundred Polish lads crammed into Coppers, all ready to throw their shackles of East European oppression into the air like mortar boards upon announcement that, hurrah, they're actually Irish now! (Does this mean they can play on our cricket team?). And as for our citizenship test? Well how quickly can yee drink a bottle of Buckfast lads? Sample questions, no doubt, would include: Is it a) acceptable, or b) unacceptable for teenage girls to pop 'round their local shops in their pyjamas? And if Ireland were to qualify past the group stages of any sporting event, how is it most appropriate to celebrate: a) silly green hat, b) get roaring drunk, c) climb the nearest set of traffic lights or d) all of the above? Come to think of it, most of these "new Irish" are, like the Normans, more Irish than us Irish ourselves...

In-fighting in the England camp. Pedalo out of shot.

It's not the first time that Middlesbrough winger Stewart Downing has failed to make a clean connection...

Why?

We can still see it you know! And whilst I'm at it, why is it that there seems to be a proliferation of people out there who, one day, after dinner, slap both thighs, stand up, sigh with intent, and think to themselves, "I think I'll go outside and stick two eyes, a mouth, and a comedy nose on our wheelie bin". Consider it a pet peeve of mine.

Huzzah!

The GAA must be delighted. Soccer comes to Jones' Road at the end of the week, finally testing the resolve of the conservatives after the genteel rugby set suggested the GAA really had nothing to worry about after all. And if that wasn't enough, the Irish sports story of the week surrounds our cricketers. Says that bastion of accurate information, Wikipedia, of cricket: "It originated in its modern form in England and is popular mainly in the present and former members of the Commonwealth". And all of this on St. Patrick's weekend. It's the new craze sweeping the nation, so grab a crotch cup and join in. And if your'e actually born in Ireland, don't worry, you still qualify to play on the team. Captain Trent Johnston, from a place just south of Wexford known as New South Wales, said "I'm over the moon. To be competitive and beat Pakistan, who have won a World Cup and have been on top of cricket for so many years, it's amazing". And as Johnston removed his hat with corks hanging from the brim, looking over each shoulder before replacing it with a giant green leprachaun hat and false ginger beard, he continued "Growing up I was inspired to follow my dream by the legendary Steve Irwin, I mean Denis Irwin". The jubilant team and fans retired to the pavillion where they quaffed cucumber sandwiches and bovril, and the players kept it real for the weekend that was in it, and prepared a traditional meal of shrimps on the barbie and tins of Fosters. Bonza.

Says Louis Copeland: "I think Michael Flatley is unique and he has a great sense of style. In fact, he's a style icon for men - no matter what he's wearing he always looks polished".

Yes, with Mr. Sheen....