Royal Wannabe twat launches his own watered down plonk. Faint sound of landmine campaigner turning in grave.

"I poured vintage wines into crystal glasses, served delicious foods from silver platters onto fine bone china, and decorated rooms and tables with beautiful flowers" he says.

"I was devestated and jobless when Diana died, but it inspired me to find my literary streak and pen and peddle such weighty tomes as "The Way We Were", "A Royal Duty", "In The Royal Manner: Expert Advice On Etiqutte and Entertaining...", "Entertaining With Style", and "Flogging A Dead Princess" he might have added.