Week one: Health and safety

Influenza has me laid low, which is perhaps not surprising at this time of year. The fact is I'm purely experiencing the aftershocks at the moment, the nasty little virus itself rattled my foundations properly somewhere between 24 and 48 hours ago. But you see, being in a new job means you're a hero. Dedicated. Hard worker. Albeit one with a stack of heavy duty tissue paper from the toilets on his desk, and one whose first impression on his new workmates is one of lingering orthomyxoviridae (I looked it up). And so this hero retreated sheepishly to his bed, after one of the least productive and highly contagious first weeks ever.